Growth and Development, Ages 11 to 14 Years

During this time of trial and error, parents need to offer open, positive communication while providing clear and fair rules and consistent guidance. You significantly influence your adolescent's habits and attitudes, choices, and adjustments to physical changes. But realize that your child's way of doing things does not have to exactly match your own.

Help your child identify important issues and be prepared for increasing responsibilities. Allow your child the freedom to figure things out in his or her own way within the boundaries you have set. Parents walk a fine line between respecting a teen's need for independence and privacy and making sure that he or she does not make mistakes that have lifelong consequences.

Promote your adolescent's Reference physical development by doing the following:

• Help your adolescent build healthy eating habits. Support your teen in making Reference healthy choices Opens New Window Reference Opens New Window by talking about Reference what things make it easier or harder to eat well. For more information on eating well and managing weight, see the topic Reference Healthy Eating for Children.
• Reference Promote a healthy body image. Help your adolescent recognize that the media often produce unrealistic and unattainable images of the ideal body. Stress the importance of being healthy, rather than looking "skinny" or "buff." Be aware of the things you say about how you and other people look.
• Reference Recognize changing sleep patterns. Rapidly growing and busy adolescents need a lot of sleep. Beginning sometime in adolescence, your child's natural sleeping pattern may gradually shift. Many adolescents start going to bed later at night and sleeping in. This pattern can make it hard to get up for school. To help your adolescent get enough rest, discourage phone and computer use and TV-watching after a certain evening hour.

  Reference Reference Sleep: Helping Your Children—and Yourself—Sleep Well

• Help your teen who is using drugs or alcohol. If you believe your adolescent is using drugs or alcohol, talk about it with him or her. Discuss how he or she gets the alcohol, tobacco, or drugs and in what kind of setting they are used. Seek advice from a doctor if the behavior continues. For more information, see the topic Reference Teen Alcohol and Drug Abuse.

  Reference Reference Substance Abuse: Dealing With Teen Substance Use

Promote your adolescent's healthy Reference emotional and social development by doing the following:

• Reference Address problems and concerns. Building trust gradually will help your adolescent feel safe in talking with you about sensitive subjects. When trying to talk with your adolescent about problems or concerns, schedule a "date" in a private and quiet place. Be ready to deflect questions you aren't prepared to answer and make sure to follow through. For example, you may say, "You know, this is so important that I need a little time to think about it. Can we discuss it later?" Then set a specific time and place to further discuss that issue.
• Reference Prevent involvement in violence. Be a good role model for how to handle disagreements, such as by talking calmly. Help your child come up with ways to defuse potentially violent situations, such as making a joke or acknowledging another person's point of view. Praise him or her for successfully avoiding a confrontation, such as by saying, "I'm proud of you for staying calm." Closely supervise the Web sites and computer games that your child uses. Talk to your child about healthy relationships. Reference Dating abuse is common among preteens and teens. For more information on teen violence, see the Other Places to Get Help section of this topic.
• Reference Recognize the warning signs of suicide. To reduce suicide risk, prepare your child for the emotional upheavals that sometimes occur between the ages of 11 and 14 years. Offer suggestions on how to handle feelings of inadequacy or sadness, such as keeping a journal, volunteering, and getting adequate rest and exercise. If your child shows signs of Reference depression Opens New Window, such as withdrawing from others and being sad much of the time, talk about it and get help from a doctor if it does not improve. Also call your doctor if your child ever mentions suicide or if you are concerned for his or her safety. After Reference puberty Opens New Window, depression occurs twice as often in girls as in boys.

  Reference Reference Growth and Development: Helping Your Child Build Self-Esteem

Promote your adolescent's Reference cognitive development by doing the following:

• Reference Help your child develop more mature ways of thinking. Let your child make as many of his or her own decisions as possible. This includes involving your adolescent in setting household rules and schedules. Talk about current issues together, whether it be school projects or world affairs. Brainstorm different ways to solve problems, and discuss their possible outcomes. Consider giving an allowance, to help teach your child about financial responsibility.

Promote your adolescent's Reference sensory and motor development by doing the following:

• Encourage your child to exercise every day. Vigorous exercise, such as running, biking, or playing soccer or basketball, helps your adolescent to stay lean and to have a healthy heart.^{Reference 1} Vigorous exercise also helps your child feel good. If your child is not used to exercise, encourage light to moderate exercise, such as walking, at first. Be careful about expecting too much too soon. Too much exercise at first can make your child tired, and he or she may not want to exercise as much.^{Reference 1} Gradually build up exercise to make it more likely that your child will stay with it. For more information on exercise, see the topics:
  • Reference Physical Activity for Children and Teens.
  • Reference Fitness: Getting and Staying Active.

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This information does not replace the advice of a doctor. Healthwise, Incorporated disclaims any warranty or liability for your use of this information. Your use of this information means that you agree to the Reference Terms of Use. Reference How this information was developed to help you make better health decisions.