Who Are You and What's Important?

Positive Outlook

Optimism, or having a positive outlook, will help you see the good in a situation and learn from mistakes instead of feeling miserable or sad. You can learn to accept events – good or bad – and move on. If you get a bad grade on a test, for example, you learn to study harder and to not tie your self-worth to a single test or grade.

Learn to be a good sport and to just have fun no matter what. Being enthusiastic can make a situation seem much more fun or bearable. Making a conscious choice to be cheerful can influence the people around you.

Generosity

Giving back to the people you care about, and even to strangers, makes you a stronger individual. You can clean up or help out without being asked, and you will likely find that not only are your actions appreciated, they also make you feel good. Sharing and conservation are also values you can teach and give to others.

Bravery and Courage

Courage will help you communicate how you feel. Too much shyness can get in the way of your ability to communicate. If you struggle with shyness, such as having trouble meeting new people or speaking in public, take steps to grow your confidence — and talk to others about how they manage social anxiety.

Friendships

In order to be a good friend, it is important to listen and communicate. Supporting your friends and telling the truth make a strong friendship even stronger.

Below are some good qualities to have in every friendship or relationship.

Kindness

Kindness helps you gain respect from those around you. People enjoy being with someone who is kind. You can be kind in many ways – from holding a door open for another person to saying hi to somebody at school you don't know very well. Kindness is appreciated and can make a big difference in someone's day. If you are kind to others, they are more likely to be kind to you.

Empathy

"Taking a walk in someone else's shoes" (not really, but in your mind) gives you a better understanding of how others feel. Before you act, imagine what it is like to be on the receiving end of your actions, and you may want to change the way you act. Treating others how you want them to treat you can go a long way and make a difference in your relationships.

Judgment

Judging others by their appearance will make you miss out on many good relationships. Someone's character is important, not how they look. Look for values that you agree with, not clothing or hair that is cool.

Liking somebody for just outward reasons doesn't last long, because it's what on the inside that counts. Judging someone before giving them a chance can ruin the opportunity to get to know them for what's inside. There is never a reason to judge somebody because of race, gender, size, shape, age or any other external reason.

Loyalty

It's important to be trustworthy in a friendship – you want to be able to tell information to a friend and trust that it will stay between the two of you.

Staying loyal to your family, friends and values makes people feel like they can rely on you. When someone feels they can confide in you and you can confide in them, you don't have to worry about whether it's okay to tell them something personal.

Patience

Patience is important in learning to listen – if you are patient, people will feel comfortable talking to you. Patience is also important in handling tough situations, and losing your cool over small things will make it harder to deal with the bigger issues.

You can practice being patient by thinking up situations that would make you lose your patience and acting out better ways to respond.

Honesty

It's important to always tell the truth so that others will trust you. In addition, telling the truth makes you feel better about how you are acting.

Lying is hard to do, and it feels bad because you will always know the truth inside.  Even if you have lied before, you can still tell the truth now. You'll feel much better knowing you've done so.

Leading and Following

It is just as important to follow as it is to lead – there would be no leaders without followers, and no followers without leaders.

Leaders learn to listen to the ideas of others, speak up for those ideas and communicate their own thoughts. They can inspire others. Leadership can be exciting, but it is also a responsibility to be a good example for all those who look up to and learn from you.

Followers allow a leader to lead by supporting and communicating with him or her. This is an important role, and followers must choose what and who they follow carefully.

Gossip

When you spread or start gossip, it hurts others. If the gossip is about you, it hurts even more. 

When you spread gossip – whether lies or truth – the gossip can get more false, elaborate and hurtful as more people spread it around. Stop gossip from spreading by not passing it on and, if you hear your friends gossiping, it's okay to tell them you think it's mean. Tell a teacher if you hear something really inappropriate or hurtful. 

Peer Pressure

Your friends or classmates can sometimes pressure you into doing things you do not want to do or that you know are "bad" or "wrong." The pressure could be to do anything – like being mean to someone, smoking, vandalizing or stealing.

These things are never right to do, and you can get in trouble even if these activities weren't your idea and you know they are wrong.

Facing peer pressure is a big part of growing up, but just remember to stay true to your own values and sense of what is right and wrong. Talk to your parents or a teacher if you need advice or support.

Good Sportsmanship

Good sportsmanship goes along with being kind. People see you as a nicer person when you can be supportive of your teammates as well as the other team. 

Playing sports is about having fun and staying in shape, win or lose. You also get to learn about playing as a team – which is an important life skill – whether in sports, a group project or other situations. 

Saying "Congratulations" or "Nice work, guys!" no matter what the final score turns out to be will make a difference. Positive people are fun to be around, and you will show what values are important to you by having fun, not just by winning. 

Conscience

Making decisions can be difficult. When you think about what is right or wrong, there is not always an obvious choice, and it can be different for each person. 

Think about what you value and follow what you think is right – define your own values and become your own person. Making your own decisions is an important way to shape who you are. While listening to advice from others is a good way to learn, ultimately most things are your own decision. 

References

Lewis, Barbara A., What Do You Stand For? Free Spirit Publishing, Minnesota. 1998.

The Nemours Foundation. Teen Health.

Youth reviewer: Lillian Fong

Last reviewed: June 2019