Feeling frisky? Use daily proximity and affection to simultaneously boost your and your partner’s sexual enjoyment and health.
“Sexual intimacy provides a unique chance to review parts of the body that are normally not seen on a daily basis,” says former Sutter Health integrative medicine physician Dr. Kay Judge. “A doctor exam provides only a few minutes of observation, but during repeated sexual intimacy you have hours—so you’re more likely to notice subtle changes over time.”
While snuggling and caressing, check out every inch of each other’s skin. It’s a lot easier to see your partner’s shoulders and other vulnerable areas than to see your own, and it helps; in men, about one of every three melanomas (the most serious skin cancer) occurs on the back.
Pay particular attention to hard-to-see areas “that, during intercourse, your hands and mouth are already exploring on your partner,” including:
“Skin changes may be very subtle initially but can easily be picked up during intimacy,” Dr. Judge says. In fact, a 2016 study found that training a person to perform a skin check on his or her partner significantly increased early detection of new melanomas.
If you notice something, talk about it … later. “You don’t really need to mention melanoma in the throes of ecstasy!” Dr. Judge laughs. Her rule of thumb: “If anything unusual lasts for more than two weeks, show it to your doctor.”
Take note of rashes, lumps or red areas, which may indicate an allergic reaction, infection or even an autoimmune disease. “Infections can cause swollen lymph nodes that may go away on their own,” Dr. Judge says. “Lupus, inflammatory bowel disease, rheumatoid arthritis, celiac disease, psoriasis—all of those cause skin changes that may indicate something else happening inside the body.” If the anomaly persists after a couple of weeks, schedule a doctor visit.
During sex play, be alert to any changes in breast shape or skin texture, or a breast lump that doesn’t go away in a month (menstrual cycles sometimes cause benign breast cysts). Contact a doctor if a lump lingers past 30 days.
“The fact is that many breast lumps in women are discovered by their partners,” Dr. Judge says. “Many women are not as familiar with the shape and texture of their breasts as their partner might be.”
Like breast lumps, both men and women may experience unusual nipple discharge. “That’s where intimacy helps,” she says. “If a man is embarrassed, he may not bring up that he has an area around the nipple that’s more tender or has a sense of fullness or a bit of discharge, and that may prevent him from going to the doctor.” You, the loving partner, can provide perspective and encouragement.
Unless you’re an exceptionally flexible woman, your partner can more easily see your vagina and labia than you can. Any new bulges or bumps could indicate pelvic prolapse.
At least monthly, encourage a quick feel to check for testicular cancer, the most common cancer in men younger than 35. Inside the scrotum, you’ll feel an egg-shaped lump on each side; behind that, you’ll feel the epididymis, a tightly coiled tube that transports sperm. Become familiar with what’s normal, and be alert to any changes.
Take a good look at the penis, too. Look for rashes, lumps or bumps that weren’t there before, as well as any discharges that are different from the norm. In men, “STDs frequently present as a little bit of discharge leakage,” Dr. Judge says.
Don’t be squeamish about vaginal discharge, either. “It’s important to note that we are meant to have discharge and we are meant to have a normal odor,” Dr. Judge says. “Accept that and accept that there’s variation—so if you notice a distinct change in odor or color of the vaginal discharge, that could be a sign of vaginitis, something you want to bring up to your partner.”
Above all, use partner exams to enjoy each other while connecting in a spirit of true care. “Setting a foundation of open dialogue in your intimacy, where you freely accept each other’s bodies with no sense of shame or guilt, not only enhances the sexual experience but can also help prolong the life of your partner,” Dr. Judge says.