How to Handle Toddler Tantrums

Can You Prevent Tantrums?

Although there’s no golden formula for preventing tantrums, there are many things you can do to make them less likely to happen. Dr. Rezai suggests the following tips:

• Distraction works wonders. Offer a different toy or book or change locations. For example, go to a different room in the house or outside.
• Don’t say ‘no’ too often. When your child hears you say ‘no,’ it’ll often make him want to do the opposite. Instead, use the distraction method.
• Remove temptation. Is your child drawn like a magnet to the fireplace or an antique vase? Cover the fireplace with a guard to make it inaccessible and put the vase in a closet. Out of sight really is out of mind for a toddler.
• Give some choices: Your toddler wants control. Instead of going to battle, give him some limited choices that still help you achieve what needs to get done. “Instead of saying, ‘It’s time to get dressed,’ offer a choice,” Dr. Rezai says. “Ask, ‘Do you want to put your pants on first or your top?’ By having a choice, your child still feels he’s in control.”
• Create routines. Young children thrive on structure so maintaining a regular routine can help minimize tantrums. If your child hasn’t had enough sleep or is hungry, temper displays are more likely. Unfamiliar situations can also be stressful and trigger tantrums. If you have a busy day coming up, make sure your little one has had plenty of rest beforehand. If you are out and about, keep some healthy snacks on hand to help your child stay on an even keel.

What's the Best Way to Handle a Tantrum?

Toddlers want your attention, whether it’s positive or negative, so the best thing you can do is ignore displays of anger such as kicking, screaming and crying. During a tantrum, make sure your child is in a safe place and can’t get hurt or hurt anyone else. You can also try holding your child or standing close without talking until your child calms down. If your child has a tantrum in a public place such as a restaurant or grocery store, try to move to a less crowded area like your car.

“By ignoring your child’s tantrum, your child will learn that this behavior will not get attention,” Dr. Rezai says. “Don’t try reasoning with your child; this will just prolong the tantrum. Although it can be difficult, try to stay calm. If you feel you are losing your temper and your child is in a safe place, leave the room for a short while to regain your composure. By that time you return, your child may also have calmed down.”

Is it OK to Give a Time-Out for a Tantrum?

A short time-out can be an effective way to remove your child from what is causing the tantrum and calm down. Have your child sit in a chosen place and don’t provide any attention.

“An appropriate length of time for a time-out is about one minute for each year of your child’s age,” Dr. Rezai says. “This means that a 2-year-old would get a two minute time-out.”

Dr. Rezai suggests setting a timer so your child knows when the time-out is over. Afterward, talk to your child and explain the reason for the time-out. Although it seems obvious for an adult, for a child, you need to explain social rules with simple words like, “It is not OK to hit.”

“Give your child words to express feelings of frustration,” Dr. Rezai says. “For example, say, ‘Next time instead of screaming, you can say, ‘I’m mad.’”

Do Many Tantrums Mean a Difficult Temperament?

As tantrums are part of a child’s normal development, they are not an indication of your child’s temperament. Often a child with less language skills will have more tantrums and these will resolve as the child learns to express herself. Children who are more sensitive and need more structure might also have more tantrums. Adhering to a good, regular routine can help keep life calm — for you and your child.