Communication Skills

You can probably think of at least one conversation in which you felt completely connected to the person you were talking with – and at least one conversation you left feeling dissatisfied because of a lack of understanding between you and the other person.

Although you can’t guarantee that every conversation will be great, you can learn skills to make communication easier and more satisfying. Even if you’re already a good communicator, consciously thinking about what you do to communicate well can help you improve your skills and use them even when you’re upset or unsure of what to say, such as in a particularly difficult conversation.

Remember Your Audience and Purpose

How a conversation goes depends greatly on who’s involved. A conversation with your teacher will be very different than a conversation with your best friend.

The other person (or people) in the conversation is your audience, and being conscious of your audience can remind you of your purpose.

Although these words sound like something you might hear in English class, keeping them in mind can help you focus on the important parts of a conversation.

For instance, consider the following conversation:

Teen: “Hey, can I go to Jamie’s tomorrow night?”

Parent: “Will Jamie’s parents be there? Who else will be there?”

Possible responses:

• The teen gets annoyed with the parent for asking questions.
• The teen answers the questions or explains more about why they want to go to Jamie’s house.

Most teens get frustrated with their parents; that’s normal. However, getting annoyed isn’t particularly helpful when you’re asking for permission to do something.

Keeping in mind your audience, the teen in this example might pause before responding with anger to the parent’s questions. After all, the purpose of this conversation is getting permission to go to Jamie’s house; refusing to answer the parent’s questions is unlikely to elicit that permission, which defeats the purpose.

Benefits of Good Communication

Paying attention to your audience and purpose doesn’t mean you can’t express your emotions, but it’s a reminder to yourself about how to express those emotions in a positive and constructive manner, with respect.

Having a purpose is just as important with a friend, especially when you want to keep a conversation on track in order to lead to a specific point.

If you’re worried about a particular conversation, remembering the purpose can help to deal with some of that anxiety and make the conversation easier.

Last reviewed: March 2019