Not Everyone’s “Doing It”
Having sex for the first time can be wonderful, especially for those who are emotionally ready and protected against disease and unwanted pregnancy.
For others, it may be a little dull, too short or even a little painful. Sex can enhance a caring relationship, but if you do experience problems, it may mean that you and your partner needs to take things more slowly or not have sex.
Fewer Teens Are Having Sex
Contrary to what you’ve heard in the halls, on the field and in the locker room, not everyone’s “doing it.” In fact, the number of teens having sex has gone down. A national survey of high school students grades 9 through 12 found that fewer teens report having sex: 47 percent in 2011 compared to 54 percent in 1991.
Everyone wants to fit in, and it may seem lonely if you feel everyone else is doing it. Just know that everyone isn’t having sex. It’s fine to wait to have sex with your partner until you both feel ready for that step, or to postpone the decision until you're older. Don’t feel pressured by those around you.
Know Your Mind
Your body contains many nerves and erogenous zones, but your mind makes the most difference in whether sex is enjoyable.
Picture two different scenarios. In the first, think about how you feel when someone you find attractive touches your arm. It can almost feel electric! But what if that touch comes from someone who makes you annoyed or uncomfortable? It likely gives you a feeling of “yuck,” something you want to stop as soon as possible.
Same kind of touch, different state of mind. Sex is similar. If you or your partner isn't ready for sex — if you're worrying about pregnancy, sexually transmitted infections (STIs), the relationship, trust or the test tomorrow — it won’t be that pleasurable for either of you.
Listen to your head and your feelings. If it doesn’t feel right, don’t convince yourself that it is. It's not worth the risks of pregnancy, STIs or hurting your relationship.
You should not have sex if:
- You aren’t 100 percent sure that sex is right for you or your partner.
- You’re feeling pressured.
- You haven’t discussed with your partner what sex will be like.
- You haven’t discussed with your partner how you’ll protect each other from disease or pregnancy.
Last Reviewed: October 2019