Today’s parents want to help their children in every way. But too much help at the doctor’s office might not be what’s best for your child.
“Kids need private time with their doctor. They need to practice how to talk with their doctor,” says Nancy Zises, M.D., FAAP, a Sutter pediatrician.
“Many parents are well-intentioned but often want to do all the talking in a doctor visit. If a child doesn’t learn how to speak up about their health while they’re living at home, how are they going to handle going to the ER or the doctor when they’re in college?”
Pediatricians value the perspective of parents, Dr. Zises says. However, kids should learn to describe pain or discomfort in their body. “Even 5-year-olds understand where and how they hurt,” she says.
Dr. Zises offers four tips to help children develop a strong and healthy relationship with their doctor.
- Encourage your kids to speak for themselves.
Have your child be the first one to talk to the doctor then offer your observations. This helps children learn to become their own health advocate. It also helps encourage confidence and self-esteem. - Check embarrassment at the door.
There’s nothing about the human body that the pediatrician hasn’t heard before. Frank talk leads to a better diagnosis and treatment. “Honestly, if a child has a tummy ache, we have to talk about poop,” Dr. Zises chuckles. Overcoming awkwardness about sensitive topics helps kids build greater awareness of their bodies. - Tell the total truth.
“This is not the time to leave out details,” says Dr. Zises. “Be honest, even if you think it’s something we don’t want to hear.” Perhaps a child tried a substance or ate something they shouldn’t have. The doctor needs to know. - Know that your doctor is always on your side.
“We’re not there to rush a family out of the clinic. We’re not going to tell parents about sensitive things unless a teen gives us permission first,” Dr. Zises says. Children need to know they have a safe place at the doctor’s office.
Under California law, children have a right to health information privacy when they reach age 12. They have the right to talk to their doctor without a parent present. Teens can get care for certain types of sexual issues, pregnancy, birth control, substance use and mental health concerns — all without their parents knowing.
Under certain circumstances, doctors may not even discuss these issues with parents without the child’s consent. However, there are many ways parents can stay involved in their teen’s health in a healthy way. At Sutter, parents can request proxy access to their child’s My Health Online account, which allows parents to make appointments and message the doctor.
Parents should also be encouraging open conversations at home and staying involved in their teen’s daily life. You’ll pick up a lot just driving the kids to soccer practice.
“You’re teaching your kids to grow up” at the doctor’s office and in life, Dr. Zises says. “That’s the goal of every parent.”