Self-Esteem

Feeling good about yourself can help you hold onto your values and achieve your goals.

Teens Participating in the Summer Wellness Programs

Palo Alto Medical Foundation

Positive self-esteem means you like yourself, inside and out. It refers both to how you look and what you believe in.

Sometimes it’s easy to like who you are. You feel great when you pass a test, score a winning touchdown or tell a funny joke that makes everyone laugh.

But how do you feel about yourself when you just said something stupid or fumbled the football? You sometimes feel dumb or left out of the action. You start wishing you were someone else or that you could change how you look. You think you aren’t good in school, on the team or part of the cool crowd. This isnegative or low self-esteem.

Why is self-esteem important?

As a teen, you now have more responsibility to choose between right and wrong. Your parents are no longer constantly by your side. Positive self-esteem gives you the courage to be your own person, believe in your own values and make the right decision when the pressure is on.

Your friends can put a lot of pressure on you. You want to be part of a crowd. The crowd may be the “cool” crowd, the “jock” crowd or the “nerd” crowd. Belonging to a crowd is a part of growing up – it helps you learn to be a friend and to learn about the world around you.

It’s OK to want to be liked by others, but not when it means giving in to pressure. Your friends are now making many of their own decisions, and their decisions may or may not be good for you.

It’s never worth doing things that could hurt you or someone else. For instance, drinking alcohol or using other drugs, having sex before you’re ready, joining a gang or quitting school can all lead to trouble.

How Do You Improve Your Self-Esteem?

Be honest with yourself. Figure out your strengths and weaknesses. Don’t beat yourself up over your weaknesses.

Avoid needless comparisons to others (family, friends). Everyone has their own strengths and weaknesses, and avoiding comparison is the best way to focus on your own goals and talents. It’s hard at times, but try to:

Accept yourself.
Set realistic goals for yourself.
Get the most out of your strengths and do your best, without demanding unrealistic results of yourself.
Celebrate your achievements.
Trust your own feelings.
Take it one day at a time. Do your best each day.

Consider what can happen if you give in to decisions that don’t line up with who you are and what you value. Drinking and driving can lead to serious injury or death. Sex may lead to pregnancy or sexually transmitted infections (STIs), including AIDS. Joining a gang may lead to illegal behavior and even jail. Quitting school takes away your best chance to be successful later in life.

It’s not always going to be easy to stick to your values, but you’ll be happier if you do.

Think for Yourself

When faced with a big decision, remember that you know best what choices fit with your personality and values. When you value and respect yourself, it helps you avoid making a bad decision, which may affect the rest of your life.

If you need help, go to your parents, a favorite teacher, counselor or trusted adult. Asking for help is not a sign of weakness— it’s natural and smart. You’re never too old or too young to ask for help.

Frequently Asked Questions

Is it easy to change self-esteem?

No. It means taking some time to understand who you are — what you like, don’t like, feel comfortable with and what goals you have. This takes time and hard work. It’s a lifelong process, but it’s worth the effort.

Does a strong self-esteem guarantee success?

Success on tests? Success playing sports? Success with friends? No, but if you keep trying and doing your best, you are a success. Remember, having positive self-esteem will help you to achieve what you want. But when you don’t succeed, it helps to accept the situation and move on.

Does self-esteem mean I’m self-centered or stuck up?

No. People who act this way usually are trying to pretend they’re something they’re not. In fact, they often have low self-esteem.

Can I help others feel good about themselves?

Yes. Don’t put others down. Be patient with your friends and family when they fall short. Everyone makes mistakes from time to time. Help your friends sort out truth from lies about themselves.

Last Reviewed: November 2018