The Warning Signs of Teen Dating Violence

When your teen is dating, you probably worry about what they might be doing, even if they’re in a healthy relationship. It can be hard to see your “baby” maturing. It can be even more stressful to think they might be dealing with dating violence.

February is teen dating violence awareness month, and Yasaman Ahmadieh, D.O., a pediatrician at Sutter Health, shared warning signs of teen dating violence and what parents can do to help teens avoid it.

Is Teen Dating Violence Common?

Don’t assume that teen dating violence is rare. According to data published in 2023, nearly 10% of teens had experienced physical or sexual abuse by a dating partner. That number is much higher when you take into account other forms of abuse, such as verbal abuse, emotional abuse, coercive control and humiliation like sharing private information or nude photos.

Physical Signs of Dating Violence

Watch for bruises, especially in places like the neck, thigh, abdomen or face. “Bruises that are not on bony areas could be signs of slapping, hitting or pinching,” Ahmadieh says. “I always say that people don’t just fall on their eyes and get bruises.”

You might need to have an honest conversation with your teen about bruises on the neck, since they could be hickeys.

A teen who is dating may face sexual violence, even if they’re sexually active. They may not consent to certain kinds of sex or may be coerced into doing something they don’t want to do.

Trauma to the penis or vaginal area is a warning sign, even if a teen says something else caused the injury. “Even if a teenager is brushing it off, that’s something a doctor needs to check,” Ahmadieh says. They can see if the injuries match up to what the teen says happened.

Other Signs of Dating Violence

A teen who is experiencing dating violence might not have bruises or signs of trauma. But they may:

• Be more introverted, quiet or detached from what’s going on around them
• Have less confidence, because of the controlling behavior of the partner
• Have thoughts of suicide
• Use alcohol or drugs

“These symptoms go along with anxiety and depression. They should be a red flag to parents that something is going on,” Ahmadieh says.

What Parents Can Do

Prevention is key. “Parents need to bring up these topics before teenagers start dating. Based on brain development, when teenagers get to age 12 and 13 or above, they start having romantic and sexual attraction. They start emotionally, romantically and, later on, sexually exploring,” Ahmadieh says.

It’s important to talk about safe dating, and to give your teen a safe, non-judgmental space to share what’s going on in their life. Adolescence is a time where experimentation is common. Open and honest communication can help make sure your teen experiments safely. “Accept that they are going to make mistakes, and work with them to find better solutions,” Ahmadieh says.

Parents may need to practice controlling their emotions, even if they hear things from their teens they aren’t happy with. “Sometimes I think communication between teenagers and parents isn’t great because teenagers are scared of the parents,” Ahmadieh says. “We want to make sure parents are controlling their immediate reaction and still setting boundaries that are consistent with their values and appropriate for the child’s age.”