How to Make New Friends

First, Check Yourself

When creating new friendships, first figure out what kind of friend you are. What is your attitude towards others? How do you treat people? You’ll likely be treated the same way you treat others. For example, try not to gossip when making new friends. Chances are potential friends will think you’ll gossip about them, too.

Don’t expect to make new friends in a day or two. Take potential friendships slowly so you don’t put pressure on anyone.

Where Can I Meet New Friends?

Many people make new friends at work. Participate in Friday night after-work gatherings and don’t miss an opportunity to go have lunch with coworkers.

What are your interests and hobbies? If you like sports, join a sports team. If you like to help your community, join a volunteer group. Accept party invitations; people who attend parties are often friendly, outgoing and open to new friendships.

Still Having a Hard Time Making Friends?

Some people find it harder to make friends than others do. If you feel you lack some skills or are too shy to approach someone and strike up (or maintain) a conversation, here’s how to make it a little easier:

• Join an organization that focuses on something that interests you. That way you’ll always have something to talk about with the people there.
• If possible, scope out people who seem at ease in social gatherings. What are their mannerisms and what do they do to keep conversations going? Watch and learn.
• Maintain eye contact with a potential friend. Looking around or down tells the person you aren’t interested in what they’re saying.
• Listen. Let people know that you’re genuinely interested in them and that you’ll be a good friend to call when in need.
• Smile! Smiling shows you’re friendly, having a good time and open to new friendships.

If none of these approaches work, look for someone in the room who is also shy or socially awkward. Chances are that person is also dying to make a friend. Take the first step and light up their day. It’s always good to start by asking someone about themselves and what they like to do.

You Made Some Friends – Now Keep Them

Making a friend is only the first step of creating a friendship. The second is to know how to keep friendships healthy and growing. Here are a few things you can do to fuel long-lasting friendships:

• Appreciate and acknowledge your friends. Thank them for their support and for enriching your life. Ask them to hang out and do something you both enjoy.
• Offer your time and attention. Listen to your friends and be there for them and their needs. Friendships should be one of your top priorities, so don’t make yourself too busy for friends. If you do, they’ll move on to other friendships that offer greater support.
• Show acceptance. Sometimes you may not agree with a friend’s actions. Learn to accept that your friends may not always take the same route as you. Be supportive and know that if you were in their shoes, you would want their support as well.
• Maintain trust. If a friend tells you their biggest secret, be sure the secret stays with you. Never compromise a good friendship by leaking secrets.
• Keep jealousy on a leash. Sometimes it’s hard to see your best friend create good friendships with others. Control your jealousy or hurt feelings, which can ruin friendships. Learn that even though your best friend is making new friends, they still love you.

Reviewed by: Cynthia Gelke, MFT

Last reviewed: July 2019