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Ask An Expert

Loss of Sexual Attraction to Partner

Toni J. Brayer

Toni J. Brayer, M.D.

California Pacific Medical Center

Sutter Pacific Medical Foundation

Question:

I have recently lost all desire to be intimate with my partner. I sometimes feel it to be repulsive. I do find him attractive, but the thought of sex or even just kissing him makes me freak out.

Answer:

You say you have recently lost desire so I am assuming the sexual relationship was a good one previously. Any sudden loss of libido should be evaluated medically. Hormone imbalance, depression, weight changes or underlying illness can affect sexual desire.

But the fact that you feel it to be "repulsive" may point to other causes. Women's sexuality is often connected to feeling desired by the partner and feeling a sense of trust. Did something happen in the relationship or could there be other emotional or psychological reasons for you to feel turned off?

If none of that seems to fit, the first stop should be with your primary care physician or gynecologist. Talking about the sudden change and getting some simple tests may point you in the right direction to get back on track with your sexuality.

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