How to Help an Addicted Family Member

What You Can Do

“Family members often are very frustrated from trying to help someone with addiction,” Kolski says. “Some also feel ashamed of what has happened to their family and so are hesitant to seek help for someone. Many are angry. But still, addiction is a family disease. Loved ones can play a very important role.” 

If you are trying to help someone get into treatment, he says, here are several things you can do. “The most important thing to remember is that help is available,” Kolski says.

Get Informed

Ask your primary care doctor for recommended treatments, experts and programs. Also ask your friends, co-workers, clergy members and others in your circle for referrals. Try not to feel ashamed or embarrassed in reaching out for help. Addiction is a medical disease—and you are not the first person to deal with it.

Explore Options

Consider a variety of treatment avenues. Some people achieve recovery with only the support of a 12-step program. Others choose treatment by a private physician or therapist, or enroll in an intensive outpatient program. Still others require an inpatient treatment program for their medical safety. Many people also benefit from moving into in a sober living home--a residence where you live with and gain support from other people in the early stages of recovery.

Talk and Ask

Plan a calm and rational talk about treatment with the person you are concerned about. “Try not to get pulled into their usual emotional drama of blaming and excuse making,” advises Kolski. “Separate your emotions from the experience and just state the facts of their addiction.” Tell your loved one that you are worried about their condition and the potential health and life consequences of failed relationships, lost jobs and legal issues. Tell them how their past actions have hurt you, but do your best to avoid blaming and anger.

After talking about your concerns, ask your loved one to consider treatment. “Be positive; emphasize that you are asking them to do this because you care about them,” Kolski says.

Don’t Make Idle Threats

Many family members are tempted to threaten divorce or cut-off finances if the addict doesn’t get treatment. “If you choose to set limits on your future relationship based on whether the person gets treatment, be sure it is a boundary you can live with,” Kolski says. “You have to be able to follow through.”

Consider a Professional Interventionist

Hiring an expert can be expensive, but a skilled interventionist can help keep everyone on track and prevent emotions from overwhelming the process. (Some longtime AA members help with interventions on a nonprofessional basis.)

Get Help for You, Too

Find support for yourself, whether or not your loved one goes to treatment. Many wonderful groups, both online and face-to-face, support families that are dealing with addiction. Local Al-Anon meetings are a good place to start. Addiction is tough on the whole family and everyone needs to find recovery.

Stay Involved

Once a person starts treatment, be supportive. Take part in the family component of the treatment program, if there is one. “We focus a lot on building a partnership with the family and other loved ones,” says Kolski. “It’s a very important part of recovery.”

Be Patient

Building a new life in recovery takes time. Getting sober is only the first step. Try to understand if your loved one suddenly has no time for you due to heavy involvement in recovery activities. That’s expected; it’s what they need to do to maintain their sobriety. Things will balance out eventually.