Healing and Self-Care After Abuse

Anna Rafferty, college student writer

Teens Participating in the Summer Wellness Programs

Palo Alto Medical Foundation

Abuse can leave both visible and invisible scars. Here's how to heal.

In an abusive situation, you can be hurt in a variety of ways. Some of these ways are physical and may need physical treatment. Don't hesitate to talk to your doctor if you need care.

However, even abuse that doesn’t leave physical marks can inflict profound emotional, psychological and social scars. You may have lower self-esteem because of the abuse or worry about the possibility of future abuse. Here’s how to help yourself heal.

Rebuild Trust and Safety

Sometimes people who’ve been abused find it hard to trust others because their trust has been betrayed by someone close to them. Talking to a counselor can be helpful for sorting out your feelings after the abuse has ended or for determining how to end the abuse.

You might also worry about your safety after you end a relationship with the abuser. If the abuser continues to call or text you, have your parents screen the call or block the number.

In some serious cases, you might consider getting a restraining order, an official legal document to prevent the abuser from contacting you again. Talk to a trusted adult who can help you through the process.

If you’re in school with your abuser and find it difficult to be in the same class or are placed in a group with the abuser, speak to the teacher or principal or have a parent call the school. Remember that you have the right to be free of abuse!

Rebuild Friendships

One tactic of an abuser is to isolate the partner from previous friends and acquaintances. When the relationship ends, you may feel that you’ve lost your former place.

It can help to join clubs or extracurricular activities; these keep you busy and can be a source of new friends. You might also try talking to some of your old friends and explaining as much about the situation as you feel comfortable sharing. Many of them will probably be understanding, and they can provide much needed support after your breakup.

Last reviewed: November 2019