Avoiding Caregiver Burnout

As a caregiver, you’re skilled at anticipating and providing for other people’s needs. But taking care of yourself may often fall by the wayside.

Neglecting your own needs is a recipe for burning out and falling ill. The emotional and physical strains of caregiving put you at greater risk for depression, chronic illness and even premature death. 

Caregivers often feel that they have no options and no control, says Frances Huang, a medical social worker at Mills-Peninsula who has provided one-on-one counseling and facilitated classes and support groups for caregivers for 20 years. You can use a number of effective strategies to make caregiving less stressful and more sustainable, she says.

Create a Master Calendar

Begin by tracking everything you do for your loved one, as well as what you do for yourself, Huang suggests. Caregivers often find this exercise eye-opening, she says. “They start to ask themselves, ‘Is what I’m doing even realistic?’” 

“It triggers you to ask questions and think about different ways to do things,” Huang says. Can you find other people to help you? Should your loved one start going to adult day care? Are there tasks that represent “wants” rather than real needs? What can you say no to? 

Having the calendar also helps you communicate with family members about your loved one’s care and additional services that may be needed. You will be able to cite concrete details, such as, “Mom fell three times last week,” or “It takes me an hour to help dad eat lunch every day.”

Schedule Regular Time Off

Once you have your calendar, you might see how little time you get for yourself. 

“I cannot stress enough the importance of regular time off—even just one day a week,” Huang says. “Knowing you will be totally free every Saturday to do whatever you want is much more effective than having a month off with no set date.”

Learn to Ask For and Accept Help

Caregivers often have a hard time asking for help—or accepting help when it’s offered. Maybe you don’t want to burden others, feel like you should be able to handle everything on your own or fear someone else won’t do things “right.” 

When someone offers to help, say yes! Use your calendar to identify specific tasks that person can do. 

If a family member feels uncertain about how to interact with your loved one, offer some suggestions—for example, what to talk about with someone who has dementia, or activities they can enjoy together. 

In order to accept help, you might have to give up some control. “Stop limiting yourself with the thought, ‘I’m the only person who can do this,’” Huang advises. Let others help with tasks, even if they won’t do it as well as you would. 

Learn tips for communicating your needs and enlisting others’ support.

Pay Attention to Your Emotions

Allow yourself to experience negative emotions around caregiving, Huang says. It’s normal to feel sad, resentful and frustrated. But be aware of the frequency and intensity of those feelings, and seek professional help if they become overwhelming. Up to half of caregivers experience clinical depression, so be alert to the symptoms. 

As much as possible, Huang advises, identify what you still have, rather than focusing on what you’ve lost. “A lot of times caregivers focus on what they don’t have anymore—‘this is not the same person, and I feel so sad,’” Huang says. “But even you sitting there, not doing anything with your mom but holding her hand, that’s very positive.”

Educate Yourself

Understanding your loved one’s disease and its progression can help you feel more in control of the situation. If you care for someone with dementia, for example, learning what situations may trigger challenging behaviors can help reduce stressful interactions. 

Research available services, such as adult day care, home care and respite care at local retirement homes. Don’t assume your loved one will not agree to such services, Huang says. She suggests framing a service as a help to you, rather than to the loved one. You can say, for example, “We are a team. I need your help with this.” Remind the person nicely that accepting such services allows him or her to remain at home.

Connect with Others

To combat feelings of isolation and loneliness, find someone accepting and supportive you can talk with about caregiving, Huang says. “I ask caregivers to have at least one friend they can talk to on a daily or weekly basis for five minutes,” Huang says.

In-person caregiver support groups offer a safe space to share your experiences. You can find a group through local hospitals, religious groups and non-profits. There are also support groups for specific conditions, such as Parkinson’s disease or Alzheimer’s disease.

Online forums also provide a convenient way to interact with other caregivers. 

The Family Caregiver Alliance offers extensive resources for caregivers, including a guide to self-care and tips on caring for people with specific medical conditions.