What is Dating Violence?

Although most people assume they'll never be in an abusive relationship, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention 26 percent of women and 15 percent of men experience intimate partner violence before age 18.

Most teens in abusive relationships don't know where to seek help, and almost none of them tell their parents. Relationship abuse isn't limited to a certain group; abuse affects people of every gender, race, class, sexual orientation and nationality.

Abuse is a way of controlling another person, and even abuse that doesn’t leave physical marks can have profound emotional consequences and put the person being abused in danger.

Adolescents and adults are often unaware about how regularly dating abuse occurs:

• One study by Choose Respect found that one in four adolescents reports verbal, physical, emotional or sexual abuse each year.
• Recent studies show that one-third of teens experience some form of abuse in dating relationships.
• More than half of the teens surveyed know someone who has been abused.

Especially because of these kinds of statistics, it is very important to recognize the danger signs of an abusive relationship so that you can make sure you get out as soon as possible.

Why People Stay in an Abusive Relationship

People stay in abusive relationships for a variety of reasons. Many people in abusive relationships are in denial. They cling to the myths:

• That their partner will never do it again. Saying they'll never do it again is futile because violence is a pattern of behaviors. Rarely does someone abuse their partner only once.
• That they are not being abused. Dating abuse does include physical and sexual violence. But it also can include emotional and verbal abuse – which includes criticisms, insults, and threats.
• That they will leave when the time is right. People may stay in an abusive relationship out of fear of being alone, emotional dependence, confusion, low self-esteem, not realizing that it’s abuse or a belief that the abuser will change.
• That it only happens to girls. Males can also be victims in controlling and abusive relationships. They can feel embarrassed to confess that they're being abused because they, the abuser and other people sometimes have a bias that “only females are abused.”

Dating Violence Cycle

The dating violence cycle repeats this pattern:

• Tension, such as criticism, yelling, swearing, angry gestures, coercion or threats.
• Violence, such as physical and sexual attacks or threats.
• Seduction, such as apologies, promises to change or gifts.

Jealousy and possessiveness are two of the most common warning signs of dating abuse. Abusers use them to control the other person’s behavior. These elements can keep the cycle in motion:

• Love for the abuser – Believing that the relationship isn't entirely bad.
• Hope – Thinking things will change or it’s just a phase.
• Fear – Worrying that threats will become a reality, resulting in fear of ending the relationship.

Last Reviewed: November 2018