If you decide that your relationship is abusive, it’s time to end it. However, ending an abusive relationship can put you in more danger, so it’s important to bring others into the process, to do everything possible to keep yourself safe — and to start healing.
First, turn to a trusted adult or friend for assistance and support. Talk to them about what’s happening. Almost any adult who hears a teen say they were abused will listen, but if the first person you talk to doesn’t believe you, keep telling people until someone does!
School counselors are often trained to deal with these issues, so if you don’t feel comfortable going to a parent, a counselor might be helpful to you.
When you end the relationship, do so in a public place with other people around. Or end the relationship over the phone or via email. Let the adult you’ve talked to know when you’re going to end it so they can support you before and after the breakup.
Sometimes an abuser will say that you somehow caused the abuse. Don’t be swayed by this. No matter what happened in your relationship, you didn’t cause the abuse. No one asks to be abused; the abuser chose to abuse you. Everyone chooses how to respond to other people’s actions, and abuse is never an appropriate response.
Abusers may also promise to change. But that doesn’t mean they will. Be aware of the cycle of abuse.
After the abuse, many abusers will give their partners presents and promise that the abuse will never happen again. However, after these presents and promises, tension often begins to build again, and at some point, the abuser again hurts their partner.
Promises that the abuse will stop are simply a stage in the cycle. Abusers can change, but it takes a lot of hard work and counseling to create these changes. It isn’t worth it to remain in a relationship while the abuser works out the personal problems that are causing them to be abusive.
Last reviewed: November 2018