Managing Grief During COVID-19

What is grief?

Grief is an emotional reaction to a significant loss. Sorrow and heartache are words used to describe feelings of grief. Whether you lose a beloved person, animal, place, object or a valued way of life (such as your job, marriage or good health), some level of grief will naturally follow. During the COVID-19 pandemic, many are also grieving job loss, financial difficulties, change in routines or habits and social contact due to physical distancing or quarantine.

Grieving the Death of a Loved One During COVID-19

A wide range of feelings and symptoms are typical as you grieve. While feeling shocked, numb, sad, angry, guilty, anxious or fearful, you may also find moments of relief, peace or happiness. The stress of grieving can take a toll on you physically. Anxiety may be higher as you may also feel a loss of control.

Under normal circumstances, grief can be complicated and overwhelming. It can be incredibly difficult if someone you love has died during the pandemic, regardless of their cause of death. Often we turn to others in our lives for support. We gather and share memories of our loved one, cry together and receive the physical comfort that helps us heal. A hug in a time of need goes a long way. Due to the physical distancing requirements to limit the spread of COVID-19, many of these rituals aren’t readily accessible. These traditions are a vital part of the grieving process. Without them, it may make it more difficult to cope.

Another complication is the lack of closure with the loved one that died. Many hospitals are not allowing visitors. You might have feelings of regret that you were unable to support your loved one in their final moments. The grieving process typically involves a chance to say goodbye to the person that passed away. During the pandemic, many families are unable to have this opportunity. Other ways of finding closure such as funerals or memorial services, are either postponed, not happening or are virtual, which can increase feelings of isolation and loss. The grief process can feel lonely under normal circumstances. Not having the comfort of others can prolong the grieving process.

Tips for Coping with Grief During COVID-19

• Acknowledge that times are very different.
• Be gentle with yourself.
• Avoid judging yourself and your feelings.
• Don’t compare your feelings to others—each person responds uniquely to loss.
• Treat yourself in healthy ways, for example, take a long hot bath, go for a walk, get some sunshine or play your favorite music.
• Give yourself time to heal.
• Accept that grief takes time. Rushing it along does not work.
• Give yourself time each day to experience your feelings or to cry.
• Try to maintain a regular schedule as much as possible.
• Avoid unrealistic goals or expectations such as overcommitting yourself.
• Consider joining an online support group.
• Be aware of your body’s needs for nutrition and rest. Eat regularly and exercise.
• Find a specific place at work or home where you can go to sit quietly for 5 to 10 minutes.
• Reenergize yourself through relaxation techniques or meditation.
• Avoid the use of alcohol or drugs to deal with painful feelings.
• Find a supportive person you trust. Share your honest feelings.
• Connect virtually with friends and family.
• Find ways to memorialize your loved one: plant something in their honor, cook and eat their favorite meal, keep a picture of them nearby, share memories of them on social media with family and friends.
• Consider talking to a licensed therapist. Sutter’s Employee Assistance Program (800) 477-2258 will assist you with a no cost to you, confidential referral.